Couples Therapy

If life is largely about our relationships and what they mean to us…

…what do we do when those relationships don’t feel good anymore?

We might minimize the impact of unhealthy relationships as we go through our days, but it’s massive.

And, it’s not really ok when it can be better.

We’re not looking to find out who’s at fault.

We’re looking to discover potential.

We can easily replicate trauma and disfunction in relationships by pointing the finger.

But, we can also use those same intimate relationships as our greatest teachers to heal and learn to do things differently.

I’ve seen many different outcomes of couple’s therapy.

This includes everything from watching two unhappy people start to actually like each other again as they heal and grow together, to couples realizing their relationship is not a forever relationship and they are better apart.

I’ve also spoken with past clients who found the process helpful regardless of the outcome. Either the relationship is stronger, or they realized what they really wanted and needed and are now in a happier relationship.

Some more specific examples include couples overcoming infidelity and going on to have children, learning to set healthy boundaries that completely change relationship dynamics (without the constant need to have the same conversations over and over), and couples getting back a great sex life or discovering one they never had.

Sometimes one partner is already in their own individual therapy.

Other times, one or both partners choose to begin individual therapy after they start working together as a couple (if this is the case, I’ll happily provide referrals to help you find the right individual therapist for you).

Individual therapy often helps couples see results faster in their couple’s therapy.

Progress is accelerated by any self-care measure used by either partner (e.g., journaling, body work, pursuing educational goals, spiritual work, increasing communication with friends and family, etc.)

I want the work you do in therapy as a couple to help you grow as individuals.

Couples therapy will help you to know yourself better and be more comfortable sharing yourself with your partner.

Because couple’s therapy is so relational, it’s normal to see improvements in your other relationships as well.

You learn to express yourself and share who you are with another person. That’s a skill that will serve you in all of your relationships!

It’s very important for me to make sure both parties feel equally heard and understood.

I don’t side with either individual, and we have a no-secrets policy to maintain transparency throughout the process.

We can do so much!

Figure out how to talk to each other…

Have conversations to increase passion and intimacy…

Explore conflict in a safe place with an objective guide…

Say the things you haven’t been able to say before…

Discuss different parenting styles…

… And let go of past hurts by seeing them through the lens of your present emotional state.

Expect to create the relationship the two of you are supposed to have.

Get to the heart of issues… quickly.

I often do abbreviated individual sessions with one partner while the other partner observes from the other side of the room (during this time, the other partner is silent, and I encourage both not to look at one another).

This immediately stops defensiveness, increases safety, and blocks unhelpful communication patterns from kicking in.

We always spend the end of these sessions processing together what we’ve heard and observed.

Although we tend to share our thoughts and opinions with partners, it’s much more effective to focus on sharing emotions (i.e., fear, sadness, loneliness, etc.)

It’s amazing what you can learn about your partner just by hearing them have a conversation with your couple’s therapist.

This is a great strategy to use when sessions stall, lose momentum, or the important issues aren’t getting addressed!

Love is love… is love… is love

When you come from a place of love instead of a place of fear, real change becomes possible.

Fear often looks like anger, frustration, depression, or anxiety…

So we get underneath whatever is covering up the fear.

Then, we use a focus on love to really start shifting things.